Advice

So I recently sent an email with the subject line "An embarrassing secret." I talked about recycling gifts and how to get more sales by knowing your customers well, what their needs are, and why it is important to deliver exceptional value. I was actually "kilig" to get a handful of replies from that email.  A lot of my readers have been thanking me for all the business lessons I’ve been sharing with them through my emails and my blog posts. I hope you, too, are getting value from my emails. If there are any more topics you want us to explore, please do not hesitate to email me anytime. As I said before, I reply to emails. One such email was from Nica (not her real name).

To protect Nica’s privacy, I cropped her email here.  Let me just tell you her story without the details. Nica’s husband, Kiko (again, not his real name) went into a freelancing business and Nica helped him by working on setting it up, including the business permits. However, after doing that, the business did not take off as expected and so, Nica went into full-time employment.  Without Nica beside him, Kiko could not make his business work even more. He tried to go into another line of freelancing and still, he could not make it work. Family members came into the picture as Kiko and Nica’s relationship began to get affected by his inability to get clients. This was when Nica finally decided to write me. Here is another excerpt from her email:

And here are excerpts of my response to her email: "Here are some of the things I have learned from being in business with my husband, Angel: 1. Men are expected to be heads of the families, the main provider.  That is the role that our society has programmed him to have.  By being in his position now where you are the main breadwinner, he is not happy.   In fact, whatever his manifestations are, deep inside, he feels like a failure: having failed in both businesses.   Women like us can fail and stand up again.  No problem. After all, we are the weaker sex.   It is not the same with Kiko.  His career is his identity.  It is his life. 2. Opposites attract.  The reason why you and Kiko came together was that most of his strengths are your weaknesses and vice versa.   Now that you are together, all you see are his weaknesses.  I am sure that's what he does, too.  When you continue to do that, your marriage will deteriorate and will finally die.   Is that what you want?   Angel and I got to the point where our marriage almost broke up because of this mindset.   What saved us was when, one day, we decided that we do not want our children to suffer in a broken family.   We decided to work together where he would use his strengths and me, my strengths and we will grow our business together. As a team, we were formidable.  I was weak where he was strong and he was weak where I was strong.   We identified and accepted our weaknesses and appreciated our strengths, and from there, we delineated our responsibilities and slowly made our business work.   It was at that point that our lives turned around.  We started to earn and we paid off our debts slowly. 3. He is not lazy. He is just not entrepreneurial.   Reading is not his strength, nor is entrepreneurship.   You seem to be the "smarter" one while he seems to be the "talented" one in your relationship.  That is a good combination!   With a left-brained Nica and a right-brained Kiko, you are formidable! What your business needs are marketing efforts.   Guess what? Marketing is essentially a left-brained activity.   Once you will have identified your market, and determined how to attract more of it, you will need right-mind creativity in designing the marketing collaterals.  But, it all starts with left-brained research. Nica, the bad news is that even if you walk away from your marriage and leave Kiko alone, he will not be able to make it. You have to help him instead of nag him. 4. Once you are married, two become one.  Do not let him listen to family members, nor should you.   You and Kiko are one team. You need to be on his side.   Always on his side. That's the only way it will work.   Stop nagging and start working together with him. So, here is Mommy N's advice to you: 1. Go away to some place, away from family and have a heart to heart talk with Kiko. Let him know that you are on his side. Highlight his strengths.   Tell him that in the Philippines, even people like John Gokongwei or Tony Tancaktiong became successful because there was a silent woman (the wife) behind him.   We do not even hear about them.   They are the wind beneath his wings.  They are the ones working in the background while the glory goes to the husband.  And it is okay with you. (Ok ba talaga sa iyo ito?) 2. Work out some plan on how you can work together. Agree on who does what, when.   There are Saturdays, Sundays and Holidays where you don’t have to report.  I am sure you can start something together if you want to.  I don't think he needs you to quit your job to help him.   You did not mention that you have kids.   If you have small kids, it will be a challenge, but your love for your kids’ future should help you overcome all obstacles.   If you don't have any, that means you have all the time to help him if you want to.   Think of it as an investment in your future together.  Think of it as your passport to freedom from employment.   Wouldn't you want that for yourself as well? 3. Once you have done 1 and 2 well, you can start working on your plan.   Just like plowing your field, it is hard work at first.   Planting is such a difficult job.  But know that planting is the most difficult part.   Then, you have to grow your plant: grow your market.   Follow the GYBP! Roadmap®.  Before long, you will be able to see your business grow and bear fruit.   The sweetest fruit will be when you and Kiko look back and see how you have learned to overcome all these challenges and finally make it work. Praying for you, Nica.  I wish you and Kiko the best.  Do keep in touch and let me know what happens." I am sharing this email with you, not for tsismis. I know that there are also other "Nica and Kiko’s" here who are in the same situation and who need answers. I hope you have learned a thing or two today that you can use or share to those who need the advice.   If you have another technique that worked for you and you want to share it with Nica, do let me know so I can forward it to her.