Do You Follow Rules

Do you follow rules?

He smiled at me respectfully and I politely smiled back.  

We were both waiting for our flight in NAIA 2. We didn’t know each other, and I was raised by my father to never to talk to strangers.  

Even as an old woman of 62 now, I still obeyed my father’s rule.  It was an automatic reaction for me.  

But he seemed like a nice old man with sad, sad eyes.

Before long, we were talking to each other.  

I learned that he was headed to Croatia for a business trip.  After a while, he surprised me when he looked down and said with a heavy heart:

“Ma’am, I think I messed up as a father.”

He was an OFW, a seafarer for 22 years. He would come home every 9 months.  

At that time, there was no Facebook, Viber, nor Yahoo Messenger. The only way to communicate with his family was through long distance phone calls which were very expensive during those times.

So, his calls were few and far in between.

He became a father at the age of 20. He and his wife only had one daughter.  She was the apple of his eye.

Whenever he came home, he would buy Barbie dolls, Barbie shoes, and clothes for her little daughter. This was his way of making up for his absence as a father. After 2 months of staying with her, he would leave and would be roaming the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans again.

This went on for 22 years.  Then, he finally decided to work offshore.

He told me that he had a hard time communicating with her daughter ever since. The gap grew even wider after his wife died and he decided to remarry.   

He had 2 more kids with his new wife.

He thought that giving everything her daughter wanted would make up for the time lost in their relationship.

He expressed his love to her this way: When she asked for an iPhone, he bought it for her. When she wanted a laptop, he gave it to her. When she wanted an extravagant debut, he saved up for it and gave her the debut party she wanted, complete with all the bells and whistles.

Then he broke into tears before me.  This took me by surprise!  

He must have been keeping all these in him and he just needed to release it to somebody.  Anybody. Even to a stranger like me.

“Last week, I got a letter from my daughter. This was the first letter that I ever received from her.

“She told me that she didn’t really want to take up Medicine.

“She only agreed to my suggestion to take up Medicine just to get me off her back.

“Her dream is to be a theater actress.”

“How come she didn’t tell me about it from the very start?

“I am getting old.  I have sacrificed so much for her. All my savings are gone because I want her to have a good future!

“Why didn’t she think of all the money we spent on her studies?

“How come it is only now, on her last year in med school that she tells me that she doesn’t want to be a doctor?”

Then he whispered to me, “Sakit talaga sa ulo. She always broke my rules even as a child. She never followed what I would say.”

Now, even with 5 grown-up kids, I don’t claim to be a parenting expert. I also do not know the answers to his questions.

Like him, I also feel very guilty about not having been a good enough mom for my children while they were growing up.

But one thing I found to be true in my life is that,

RULES WITHOUT A RELATIONSHIP ARE NOT OBEYED.

As parents, rules are needed for mutual understanding, respect and to avoid chaos.

Have you ever told your children to be at home by 7pm? Or, to finish their homework before they play, watch TV or go to a friend’s house?

Did they obey you?

They will if your relationship with them is strong.

In business, we need more than a good relationship. Business rules have to be “C.R.A.F.”-ted:

• Clear,
• Realistic,
• Achievable, and
• Fair.

When the rules are created, we need to be sure that everyone understood them.

And then, we need to be the first persons to follow these rules.  We need to set the example.

And most importantly, we have to take time to know each of our employees beyond work. We need to build a relationship with each of them because we are Pinoys.  With our culture, knowing them as people with their pains and dreams will go along, long way!

After all, our employees will be the ones to propel our business to success. If they trust and believe in us, they will follow and abide by our every rule.

Do you have employees who are a pain in the #@###?

Do they follow the rules even when you are not around?

What disciplinary actions do you give to employees who don’t follow the rules?

Are those effective?

Please let me know by replying to this email.