Why am I even Here?

Have you ever asked yourself why you are in this world?

Have you ever asked yourself what is the purpose of your life?

Do you sometimes feel that your life feels meaningless or empty?         

                                                                                                                    

A seminarian felt lazy one Saturday morning. Bro. JP (not his real name) felt hesitant to go to XXXX Hospital.

Every week, he would be excited and enthusiastic about his weekly visitation of the sick.

But not that day.

He was not in the mood. He felt sluggish, tired, and heavy.

You see, every Saturday, seminarians are assigned to different hospital wards to act as orderlies, nurses, and messengers of God’s love for the sick and the abandoned.

“I really don’t want to go. Just let me be. Just for today,” Bro. JP pleaded with his co-seminarians. But they forced him to go with them.

Seminarians would be assigned to the men’s ward, women’s ward, and elderlies’ ward. That time, Bro. JP was assigned to the children’s ward.

When he walked into the room, he saw 10 beds to his left and 10 beds to his right. The children were all looking at him.

There was one boy, probably, 10-11 years old who was crying profusely. His loud cry bounced off the walls of the room and echoed through the hallways of the hospital.

So, instead of starting to play with the child right in front of him as he would always do, he chose to walk across the aisle and approached the crying boy. His face was so covered with tears that he could barely see Bro. JP coming.

As he went near him, he saw that the boy’s hands have enveloped his tummy.  He was in severe pain.

“Hello! I’m Bro. JP, anong pangalan mo?” (I’m Bro. JP, what’s your name?)

He got his white handkerchief from his pocket and slowly wiped the boy’s tears.

The boy answered, “Adrian po.”

“Why are you crying?”

“Ang sakit po ng tiyan ko.” (My stomach is aching.)

“Would you like some food?”

The boy just nodded.

So, Bro. JP hurriedly walked out the door and bought some food. He gave it to Adrian and told him funny stories.

He later found out from the hospital’s personnel that Adrian has been living alone, and had to scavenge for food to survive. Over time, his ulcer worsened until they discovered that he had cancer of the stomach.

As Adrian started to smile, Bro. JP thought:  “ Kids need to play. So, he thought of bringing toys to the children’s ward the following week.

The following day, he started to list down all the toys and food that they will bring.  He thought specifically of Adrian.

But, that night, he received a call from the hospital. It was the attending nurse of Adrian.

“Adrian went back to his creator this afternoon,” said the nurse.

“I am calling to thank you for visiting him yesterday because it was Adrian’s last request.

“No one, not even a single relative visited him. Even his own parents have abandoned him.

“Adrian told me that during your visit,  he felt that God loved him through you. He said: “God sent me Bro. JP to show His love and mercy.”

“ Adrian wanted you to know that he was very happy that you came that day and that your stories were really funny.”

Bro. JP was dumbfounded.

“What if I allowed myself to be lazy that day? What if they did not force me to go to the hospital?” he thought to himself.

Suddenly, it dawned on him.  “This is my purpose in life: to give joy to kids like Adrian, and to bring them closer to the Lord.

After I heard this story from a  parish priest's homily one Sunday, I started to ask myself what my purpose was.

These are only roles that I have taken on. These are not my purposes in life.

As Holy Week approaches, I am once more reminded of how I am usually consumed by my own selfishness while performing these roles.

I would be in the same room with my children or my wife but my full attention would be on my gadgets.  

Unlike most people, I do not even de-stress by watching funny videos. instead of having a conversation with my loved ones, I would be working, working, and working or,  learning, learning, and learning.

And, after a hard day’s work,  I would sometimes feel empty. I would ask myself, “Why am I doing this again?

“When can I stop working?

“When can all these tasks be finished?”

We decided that we will not stay home because all of us will just do what we would usually do: some would play games, some would watch TV and I would work.

We also said “no” to crowded, touristy places as the crazy frenzy will stress us out even more.   

This year, we decided to really rest and be present in the company of one another.  Surely, in homes of business owners like us, our conversations will not veer away from topics involving the businesses.  And, this is okay.

We can still have meaningful conversations.  We can help create plans, discuss reflections, and support one another.

We can help one another feel that they are loved by God through us.

For me, Holy Week is time to give value to the people who matter to us the most. It is time to slow down and reflect on our lives, and our relationships.

As we do so, may we all find fulfillment and the answer to the questions like “Why am I even here?”