To be a healthier being.

Realizations when I was caring for my sick dad until his last day.

I spent over a month watching my dad in the ICU and realized some things.

LIFE IS MORE ABOUT YOUR SPIRITUAL BEING. When you are nearing your death, you realize more that you should’ve been closer to God. My dad said, “I wish I prayed more. I became more religious when I had no more time left.” As I was watching him sleep, he suddenly woke up and said these words: “I want to live in a world, or I want to design a world, where all the creatures have respect for God. If all of the people have a relationship with God, they will be happy and peaceful.” Then he went back to sleep, maybe he was visited by God.

And one night, he told me “ Anak, dito ka sa tabi ko matulog. “ 

I said, “Bakit?” , he said “Baka makatakas ako e. Mamamatay na ata ako.”

I said, “Tay, hindi pa, madaming nagiintay sayo sa bahay na mga mahal mo sa buhay. Lalo mga apo mo.”

He said, “Ok, tell Mama Mary to pray for me.”

I said, “Okay Tay, we’ll pray.”

Then I realized everything is meaningless when you are about to face our Creator, except the things that matter most: God and Family.

LIFE IS NOT ABOUT MATERIAL THINGS. My dad was a wealthy man but when you are lying in that hospital bed helpless, you do not need anything else but comfort from your loved ones. Every time he felt cold, I put on a thicker blanket and adjusted the AC. Every time he coughed and spat, I wiped his mouth. I trimmed his facial hair, I even gave him a haircut.

Every day, in the morning, we had a routine. I would tell him, “Tay good morning! Exercise muna natin yung kamay mo at legs mo. Then do the breathing exercise. Kailangan natin gawin to para gumaling ka na at makauwi na tayo.”

He complied, using every bit of energy he had left. He showed me that he was strong and still fighting, even though he might have known his fate. He was only clinging on to life because of us, even though his body was already saying no more.

I was filled with hope. All those little comforts I gave made me feel that he would come home and recover. I needed the simplest hope, that he could really go home, because it was physically and mentally tiring for all of us. All the efforts our family did, we spent a lot of sleepless days and nights, sometimes to the point that we would suddenly fall asleep in our chairs just to give him the slightest comfort. He appreciated it all, he even said. “ Pahinga na kayo anak, umuwi na kayo. I LOVE YOU!”

But that is nothing compared to the pain that my dad was experiencing. We’d do anything for him. Love conquers all. We never failed to say “I love you!” every moment we can, because we knew that any time, he might slip away. And yes, he made sure that he expressed his love to us. He even said, “ Yakapin mo ako. “ then i hugged him with some tears in my eyes. 

The most heartbreaking part is, in the end, we still lost him. 

The hardest prayer to do is the prayer of acceptance, accepting the fact that you leave the fate of your loved one to God. When he reached a certain point where science could do no more, and his frail and weak body could no longer take all the treatments and medicine, he even said, “Ayoko na, pagod na ko.”

Our world crashed. We are still in disbelief. We slowly accepted the fate God has given us. Watching your loved one suffer hurts more. Faith in God and acceptance are the keys to properly letting someone go.

HEALTH IS SOMETHING WE TAKE SO MUCH FOR GRANTED. We put toxins into our bodies every day. Excessive eating of unhealthy foods, drinking poison such as sodas and alcoholic drinks, and worst of all, smoking or vaping. Taking those makes our body “survive” rather than truly live every day.

It was painful for me to watch my dad suffering. Watching him breathe heavily for long hours. Every time he needed to be turned on the bed, his face showed how painful it was. He was diagnosed with lung cancer, colon cancer, spinal stenosis, and possibly leptomeningeal cancer. He was a smoker and a drinker. 

At one point, he said as I was stretching my back, “Huwag mo gawin yan! Ingatan mo likod mo, sabi sayo, ubod ng sakit!” Till his last days, he still cared for us.

As of writing, I am on my way to transforming myself into a healthier being. I already quit smoking years ago, and now I am trying to stop or lessen my alcohol intake. I have been alcohol-free now for almost 2 months. It’s probably the longest time I haven’t had any.

These changes are not a guarantee of a longer life, but at least I want to live more comfortably. Only God knows when He will take us, but it is better to take care of the body He lent us.

Tatay, I will always do the best I can. You’ve helped a lot of people in your lifetime, and I am hoping to do the same. Wherever you are, I hope you are happy. I love you so much.