If only

 "If only he had another chance... Maybe Ricky wouldn't have left me so soon."

After more than a decade together, it seemed like we had overcome all challenges. Ricky Davao - the strong man on screen, the hero in the hearts of the audience - was so weak in my arms in his final days. He passed away from a brain aneurysm, when the first rays of sunlight touched the photo of the two of us taken in Boracay.

He was still laughing and joking with me the night before, talking about the new film project, about the trip to Japan that he promised to take me when the pandemic was over. But a severe headache came at midnight, like a knife tearing apart our future. I screamed, holding him and running to all the hospitals from Makati to St. Luke's. The doctors shook their heads: "The blood vessels have burst, the brain damage cannot be restored."

I accompanied him to the US for treatment. We met with a top neurologist at the Mayo Clinic, tried expensive stem cell therapy in Switzerland. But Ricky's body - once strong in action scenes - was now a dry leaf in the middle of a storm. He couldn't speak, didn't recognize me, only tears rolled down his pale cheeks every time I sang "Winter Lover" - the song he used to hum while bathing in the rain.

What hurt me the most was not losing him, but the late regret.

Two months ago, I happened to watch an interview with Dr. Eric Tayag on TV. He explained about brain aneurysms - a silent killer that can be prevented early with a special milk that strengthens blood vessel collagen. I looked back at my messages and saw that Ricky had texted me 6 months ago: "Honey, I often have headaches, as if someone is squeezing my heart...". If only I had let him try this method then, things might have been different. After his funeral, many people told me about the effectiveness of this method. Many people asked why I didn't let him try it. I could only silently cry...

I banged my head against the wall, tears flowing onto the T-shirt he left behind - still smelling of Davidoff Cool Water. In my mind, there were only two words "if only".

Now, after calming down, I silently thanked him.

He taught me the final lesson: love must go hand in hand with action. I know I have to be strong and act. I will share this method with everyone so that no one will have to suffer anymore.

Ricky, I can't save you, but I will use this pain to awaken millions of people. I write these lines in a room filled with stage lights - where you once shone. His Filmfare Award trophy is now a reminder: life is more fragile than even the most tragic roles.

If you are reading this, please click the link below, not for me, but for you and your loved one who is waiting for a hug in the next room. Don't let them become "the second Ricky" in someone else's story. Here is the method from Dr Eric Tayag: https://www.doh-gov.ph/erictayag

"Honey, I will live strong - like the way you held my hand through the protesting audience that day. See you in another world..."